Ring in More Intimacy (Even with Hurt Feelings)
I hope there haven't been any hurt feelings this holiday season for you. It can be a stressful time for some of us (like me) and therefore easier for harsh words to slip and emotions to be tender. I want to send you off into the new year with a final word about hurt feelings (see the first two videos in this mini series here). Because they are actually an opportunity for deepening intimacy and feeling more loved and valued--if you respond well. Here is how:
Here are all the tips in a one glance cheat sheet to summarize what to do when you feel hurt by something your significant other does :
1) Separate what is his from yours. Tell yourself that his choice to say something harsh is "his stuff" .
2) Take care of your side of the street by noticing what you are actually experiencing inside yourself.
3) Ask yourself, "What am I interpreting this to mean about myself or the relationship?"
4) Say "ouch", or if tears naturally come, allow them. Vulnerability is magically connecting.
Your partner may or may not respond warmly, right away. Keep repeating the above steps each time you feel hurt. You will see a huge shift over time, both in a decrease in your suffering and an increase in loving connection. That's what you ultimately want, right?
When you take the reigns and become responsible for your experience you can really create the love you long for.
Perhaps this is a good New Year's Resolution for you this year: "I embrace the incredible power I have in my love life by growing stronger inside myself and showing more of my tender vulnerability."
How has showing your soft spots created connection for you in your life and love life? How did using "ouch!" go? Do tell! Comment just below. I loooooove hearing from you.