You probably don't want to end your relationship with your partner, but it feels terrible to go on unhappy as you are. So you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place...
At least, that's how I felt when my marriage was painfully unhappy. I know how awful it is. So why do we just tolerate that stuck-ness for years?
One of the biggest reasons that I see women sit in unhappy relationships is it seems easier and less costly to do nothing, to just suck it up, than to invest in what it takes to vastly improve their relationship.
This is mistaken thinking. When we think that way we aren’t recognizing the truth: just tolerating the same old painful relationship dynamic means we are missing out on way more than happiness.
Because an unhappy relationship is extremely costly. Not just financially. It takes a huge toll on all areas of your life.
I know from experience!
If you're unhappy in your relationship, you need to know the true cost of going on as is. Because that’s when you'll get inspired and motivated to make great life-altering change in your relationship. Which will change your whole life for the better.
I want to light that fire in you. I don’t want your love life to cost you so much. I want you to feel that deep sense of being truly loved and like you and your partner are true allies in life.
So, in the words of many women I’ve spoken with whose relationships feel unhappy, and from my own experience and research, here’s what it really costs you to do nothing about an unhappy relationship:
Time. “I waste so much precious time arguing, ruminating, and dwelling in anger and hurt. Weeks, months, years of my life gone. ” “ I’m in my head processing so much of the time” "I spent tons of time in therapy, which did nothing."
Money. “I spent $6000 on a vacation I hoped would save our relationship.” ”My health has been a wreck because of the stress. That’s costing me thousands.” "I’ve been doing the retail therapy thing and spending way too much $” (see below for more financial costs)
Energy. “Our problems take so much of my attention and sap me of energy”. “ I’m exhausted”
Efficiency and Focus at Work. “Since I'm unhappy at home, I’m unhappy at work." "I'm distracted and lose productivity at work."
Confidence and Self-Worth. “I feel like I’m a big jerk and a horrible person.” “I feel so much self-doubt” “ I don’t feel like a good enough human being” “I feel insecure and even more hyper-sensitive emotionally.”
Emotional Health. "I feel so much stress..." guilt, shame, anger, resentment, fear, hopelessness, depression, anxiety, worry, grief. “I feel so lonely.” “I don’t feel free to be happy.”
Physical Health. “The stress is huge and is impacting my health. “ Im constantly overwhelmed and started having gut issues.” Loneliness has a wide range of negative effects on both physical and mental health, including: Depression and suicide. Cardiovascular disease and stroke. Increased stress levels.
Sleep. "I am losing sleep over us and am totally sleep-deprived. And in a worse mood because of it."
Hope and Dreams For The Future. “It’s hard to dream about older age…” “We don’t make plans because it’s hard to think about the future when things are so hard between us” “I’m so afraid for my future.”
Social Life and Connection with Family. “I’m missing half my children’s lives in distraction!” “ I get into my head and act distant with my friends and family.”
Your Children’s Current and Future Happiness. “I'm less patient with my daughter, more irritable and even get angry at her more often." “I am not modeling healthy relationship ... and I worry for my kids future relationships”
Your Relationship and Love Itself. “I’m so afraid of losing him. Deep down I really love him and don’t want to lose him.”"I'm afraid I'll never have real love again". Love is our life's foundation.
When relationships start to lose their sturdy loving foundation things tend to get worse. Then you may find yourself in one of the most expensive experiences of your life: Divorce. That leads me back to
Money, AGAIN.
Did you know that the average cost of a divorce in the USA is $20,000, not including any asset losses or any living costs after, like having two separate households? That’s just the divorce process itself!
I recently heard from someone I talked to many months ago who was having a really hard time in her marriage. She could see that there were ways she and her husband could grow and change to be happier. But she was afraid to make the investment of time and money to get help.
Guess what? She and her husband are now separated and living in two houses. The financial cost of that is significantly more than it would have cost to get support. And that's pre-divorce.
What about the emotional toll on her? Total heartbreak and devastation.
Not having the love we crave costs us so much. It affects all aspects of our lives. We need the happy foundation of healthy relationship like we need oxygen.
So pause for a second and ask yourself, “What is it really costing me to be unhappy in my relationship?” Think about all the areas listed above. (I'd love to hear your insights in the comments below.)
Now, what if you could improve all those areas for a way lower cost? It's by far less expensive emotionally, physically, financially to be proactive...to learn and grow and thrive right here in this relationship. You can regain that sturdy foundation of happiness in love and life. I've seen it over and over.
The quickest way?
Get support from someone who has done the work and has the skills to guide you to make your relationship sweet and loving again. I'm not the only one who can help, but I would be honored to.
If you’re ready for some loving help quickly and thoroughly transforming your relationship into the peaceful loving intimate one you really want, schedule a free chat with me now to see how I can help you.
It really doesn't have to be so hard!