Decide Who You Will Become
As grown-ups we tend to forgot we aren't “just the way we are”. We rely on our sense of who we HAVE BEEN to determine who we CAN BE.
You need to go against that trend if you want to improve your marriage. You need to know that what you think is true about yourself now is not all that’s possible for you to BECOME. And what you think is true about your marriage now is not all that's possible for it to become.
Such good news! To understand this better we can look to children, who are masters at it.
My four-year-old has decided he is going to become an Animal-Rescuer-Volcanologist-Superhero. He doesn't entertain a doubt that this will come to pass, since he's DECIDED it's his future. Now he just works towards that known future: he reads volcano books, watches animal documentaries with rapt attention, and practices being a superhero much of the day. What joy and motivation this brings him.
Unfortunately, since most of us adults stopped deciding who we’d become,and gave into believing that what we see is what we get...guess what? What we see IS what we get more of.
Same self-concept=same approach to life and love=same results in life and love.
I figured this out at some point, after some hard times.
But if I hadn't. . . if I had made my choices in life based on what I thought was true about myself and my love life 14 years ago, I would be living in a tiny cabin in the woods, not knowing how to make a meaningful contribution in the world, or how to support my family financially.
I'd still be questioning my marriage. I’d still be feeling stuck and trapped burdened, and mad at the world, my man, and myself.
But because I decided not to use my sense of who I was then to determine who I could be someday, I now have an amazing marriage I adore, a business full of wonderful clients I love whose lives are changed in tremendous ways. I have this sweet light-filled house in a town I love. I have a sense of self-confidence and love for myself I used to think was just not in my genetics.
All because I decided to believe in the possibility that I could step into becoming who I wanted to be. And took a leap of faith to make that dream reality.
So, if you ever feel stuck with life as it is, with feeling disappointed with yourself or your marriage, take it from me, there is so much more happiness, joy and love available for you.
The You who doesn't know how to stop feeling resentful or hurt?
The You who can't feel much love for your partner?
The You who slips into mothering your partner instead of being his lover?
The You that gets jealous, or easily irritated at him?
The You who never quite feels enough?
That is NOT who you ARE, nor all that’s possible for you to be. If you don't want things to stay the same, take a leap of faith and DECIDE who you will become.
You can rise and DECIDE to become the woman who:
Reacts calmly when things don’t go the way she wishes
Fully enjoys her husband's quirks and her own, and can laugh with him about them
Loves him unwaveringly
Feels so solid and safe in herself that she knows she can handle any challenge that comes up
Handles difficult conversations easily, knowing she'll come out the other side CLOSER to her husband
Feels cherished for being herself
This is all entirely possible for you. It just takes rising up for yourself and DECIDING that's who you want to be.
Then, each day, doing the work to become her, one little choice at a time: one tiny forgiveness, one intentional thought, one eye towards his good qualities, one moment of softening your heart, one sentence said with courage, one moment of holding yourself tenderly, one reminder of your own worthiness.
All these little choices add up. Until you ARE that women you want to be, with the love you have always wanted.
If you're ready to become that woman, and deep down you know that means getting some guidance on exactly how to do so -- so you can most easily navigate all those many little choices along the way-- take a leap of faith and come coach with me. Reach out to set up a consult call to get started.
Your future self will thank you profusely.