What we want and expect from our marriages is very different from what humans used to want and expect out of a marriage. It’s a new and modern invention, this lasting romantic domestic partnership we call love. And it's amazing: To feel love, passion, and a sense of totally being on each other's side for the rest of our days to come. To have a companion to laugh and cry with and turn to for joy and comfort-- forevermore. But the average human brain hasn't evolved fully enough quite yet to make that vision real. It wasn't given any help to do so! It’s only just starting to learn how.
But it needs assistance to learn to use itself much more consciously. To be FOR modern love, instead of against it. That's why you are here. You are seeking that help. I think you are a fabulous human because if it! So if you know that you want a loving secure relationship and you feel that somewhere deep inside you you probably have what it takes, you are right. And the fact that you haven’t gotten where you want to be in your relationship yet doesn’t mean you and your partner won’t get there (or that you are weird or bad people in anyway). It just means there’s more learning, more shaping your brain on purpose, so that it becomes a Lasting Love Brain. A few of the things you need to learn to do (and you’re made of the material to do so are) to build such a brain: 1: Learn how to be in charge of the primal reactive part of your brain—So it’s natural tendency towards fear, judgment, blame, catastrophizing, and seeing bad (“Flaw-sight”) stop creating division. 2: Learn to generate genuine emotions conducive to lasting love —On purpose. (Yes, you can totally do this. I do it every single day, many times a day.) 3: Think of setbacks and obstacles and even conflicts as feedback and fodder for your growth, and be open and willing to do what it takes to learn from them. Doing these things will set the gift of your sensitivity free to work its magic on the person you love.
Which of these do you think you might have some work to do in? (For most of us it’s all of them, along with some other things.)
Doing this work never leads to regret. There’s no way you can get it wrong. Because no matter what, you will feel better, more in control for having done it. It can only improve how you feel about yourself, your relationship, and your life.
If you’re ready to get great at these things and build a Lasting Love Brain--so you and your man become the couple others look at and wonder, "how can I have what they have??!!” come coach with me. That is where we will get you.
Email me at hannah@lifeisworthloving.com and say "let's talk", and we will set up a time to chat about just what it will entail for you.