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  • Writer's pictureHannah Brooks

Laughter Instead of Hurt

If you are aching for more connection in your relationship, feeling it’s absence, and maybe feeling resentful at your partner because of it, no more despairing: You have the power to create connection. You may simply not have known it deeply enough to use it.  It’s time. Because real connection... You love it. Create more it by starting here: take the focus off your partner for now, and put it on you.  Take a gentle, curious look at what's going on in YOU (I recommend grabbing a pen and scrawling some notes!): ~Where are you not SHOWING your full self to this other human? What parts of you are you hiding?  ~What loves, interests, fears, tender spots, tears, aches, delights, and curiosities are you keeping tucked away from his sight?  ~What are you not asking for? What are you expecting without voicing?

You can never feel close when you are hiding. You can never feel MET, seen, heard, when you do not bring forward what's in you to be SEEN and HEARD. But you hide it because, being human and all, you are afraid. Afraid of the hurt you will feel if you bring all of you OUT--and your partner doesn’t love it. Rejects it. Is indifferent to it.   So you hide yourself to hide from hurt (tell me where I'm wrong?). But what you create is HURT AHEAD OF TIME: The hurt of disconnection.  The hurt of resentment.  The hurt of the ache for connection.  The hurt of not feeling free to be fully you.  The hurt of hiding. Can you see how you are NOT protecting yourself from hurt by hiding parts of you away? You are creating your own hurt.  So, why not risk being seen? Why not show your partner who you are? You can only be better off than you are now. What you have in you--all the human vulnerabilities, the lame passions, the dorky humor, the quirky thoughts, the easy tears, the tender longings, the cheesy obsessions, the woo woo intrigues---all of it is what makes you YOU. What makes you endearing to the right people.  When you voice these, when you reveal these, you allow the possibility of being seen. Of being known. Of being truly loved for YOU. You make possible for yourself what you want most: real connection. 

If you recognize yourself in this, if you know your partnership is less fulfilling than you want it to be because, in part, you don't feel totally safe and secure in who you are, it's okay. We haven't been taught how feel truly safe to be transparent and authentic with others. So it truly can feel vulnerable and scary. But it doesn't have to. I know how to make it feel so much easier for you. When you coach with me, I will teach you how to have the confidence to comfortably show up as your full self. A confidence so steady that those little things your partner says or does that sting you? They won't even give you pause. You may even find yourself giggling over them later with your man.  Because you will finally feel deeply truly loved for ALL of you. The lightness and joy of that will be yours. If you are hungry for that--and all the ways that will enrich your whole life-- email me and say, "I am ready."  We will set up a time to talk about getting started.



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