You want things to feel easy, loving, connected in your marriage.
My job is to help you HAVE that. So I spend time thinking deeply about how you can create it. My own life provides some of the answers.
So how did I come to have -- and KEEP having--such an amazing marriage?
The simplest truth is, I worked--and keep working-- the process that I coach my clients through when they work with me.
There’s never a day that goes by that I’m not implementing and exploring all the tools that I teach my clients. Day in and day out, I bring that skillset to the ways I think about, relate to, and treat my husband, and to the ways I think about and treat myself.
Every once in a while I forget this and think "maybe I just got lucky". Because my marriage feels so good ... how could I have had such a huge hand in making it so--it must have just been a blessing from the gods! (My brain-- like yours?-- is so good at discounting my own capacity to create what I want in my life!!)
But then I remember: It’s an illusion, a trick of my mind, that having this great marriage seems like luck.
Because I LEARNED these relationship skills!!! And I’ve become a natural at them! So they don’t feel like work or like things I have to reach for anymore. They’re just part of who I am now.
Like the other day, it was my husband's turn to cook dinner. He knows I hate bacon grease. But when I sat down to eat, I was hit by the flavor of...yep, bacon grease! ICK! (Can’t get anything past these highly sensitive taste buds!!)
Instantly, this thought went through my mind: he cares more about his taste buds than me eating dinner at all! And so, instantly anger flashed inside me.
But instead of being consumed by that story or that feeling, I just watched the thoughts my brain offered up about his choice to use bacon grease. I simply watched and allowed the feelings that arose in me. And I just sat there quietly.
When I was ready a minute later, I reported to him the stories my mind was telling me and the feelings I was having-- without accusation! I just revealed them as my own oddball thoughts, in a way that showed him I knew I was responsible for the emotions I was having. And that he wasn’t.
Over the years together, my husband has learned to listen openly, instead of getting so defensive, when I share when I'm unhappy with something he’s done...and it helps him TREMENDOUSLY that I stay calm and communicate about such things in the way I do now...
This little incident, therefore, was here and then gone in a minute of our time.
He apologized for the bacon grease and his ...sneakiness! I then told him how impressed I am with him for how he’s grown in his listening skills, and he shared his appreciation for me by saying: “Thank you for communicating in a way that made it easy for me to grow.”
This is not an amazing marriage by luck:
Every day I guide my mind away from the black hole of blame and question the stories my mind weaves that create barriers to connection. Every day I look at him and choose to love him and see him as attractive on purpose. Every day I think about him (and myself!) in ways that light me up, make me feel secure, at ease, and like the luckiest girl.
And every day I communicate with him from there. Of course it's a great marriage! I am creating my experience of it on purpose using the best tools there are. And I love doing it because it brings me the marriage I want to have. My tools work. My marriage is living, breathing, loving proof.
Yours can be. too. And it won’t be by luck. It will be because you chose to learn the simple tools to make it so.
The fastest, easiest, most FUN and enjoyable way? Coaching with me.
Whereas some programs focus on strategies, which will only get you so far, when you coach with me, we focus on BOTH the deeper foundational shifts that provide the bedrock for easily and naturally knowing just what to do and say to deepen the loving connection you want with your partner...
...AND you learn the most essential things you can do and say to revitalize and maintain love that lasts.
The result of this approach? You become someone who always knows how to feel comforted, connected, safe and confident in yourself and in your marriage and who invites out the best parts of your partner, too.
Then you have a marriage that is fun, light, connected and that provides a safe harbor to always return to, so you can go out into your life and do the other things you’ve always dreamed of.
You can start making this happen today by setting up for your free consult with me here.