There is room in your relationship for you to feel dislike. Even disgust.
Real love includes all the shades of grey in between black and white, good and bad.
Love is big enough to see the gross things your partner does, the immature and stupid things he says, the choices you think he made wrong---and love him anyway. And trust your marriage is strong anyway.
Love is bigger than judgment.
Love is stronger than the wavering vicissitudes of the petty picky mind.
Love can hold ALL OF IT in its wide net and never waver from its center.
(And NO, this does not mean you tolerate bad treatment, or let him "walk all over you". 100% not.You can love and say "I don't want to be around that", "I will do things this way, not your way...")
You are a woman made of love. You are vast.
You can hold all of his ugliness and flaws and icky human stuff…
….you can feel irritated, angry, critical, frustrated with him…
…. and STILL know deeply your love for him.
I do it every day. My heart is so much bigger than my petty grievances and critical picky mind.
Even when I'm angry, even when I'm telling him why, I still stay securely rooted in the knowing I love him unconditionally. My heart is that strong and wide.
Yours is, too.
What if you trusted that?
Knowing and feeling this in your bones is the most steadying, grounding, warmth-producing thing...
....It's like having your own ever-present life-giving internal sunshine that you know will never be extinguished.
The hard stuff can come and go like clouds. But love is always always right here, filling you.