This Myth Can Ruin Love (And How To Stop It In Its Tracks)

June 26, 2018

I’m guessing, just like me and many of my clients, you used to think that when it came to love the hard part was finding the right partner. You’d dream of that person, the one who’d sweep you off your feet and fulfill you. 

 

Your biggest worry was you’d never meet him (or her).  What relief when you did find him! Maybe you, like one client laughingly admitted to me, used to think, “I got the ring! I’m done with the hard work.” 

 

Because most of us, at some level, have bought into the myth (maybe unconsciously) that once we find real love, the rest comes naturally. We believe that if we really love each other, our relationship will work out.

 

Sadly this just isn’t true. (I bet you knew that by now!) It’s a myth that deeply hurts us, our relationships, our families, and ultimately our whole world.

 

This is the truth: healthy, intimate, supportive relationships don’t just come naturally. Just because you love someone, and they love you back, it doesn’t mean that you’ll be good at having a loving relationship that lasts. 

 

That requires relationship education and skills. Which we were never taught.

 

There is no shame in struggling and messing up when it comes to your relationship. The shame is on our culture for not teaching us how to love and live well with our significant other.

 

If you ever feel bad about your own behavior with your partner, I’m here to tell you it’s not your fault. You probably spent plenty of time learning how to write term papers properly, or memorizing the periodic table. Yet you likely spent no time being taught how to be a supportive, happily fulfilled spouse.

 

Very few of us had really healthy role-models for marriage in our parents (because they weren’t taught either). On top of that, the expectations around what it means to be a good partner in a romantic relationship have drastically changed over the decades, leaving us deeply confused about how to love well, and be loved in return. 

 

No wonder 50% of marriages end in heart wrenching divorce. 

 

I blame it on the idea that we should just naturally be good at relationships. Because then we feel like failures when things aren’t going well in our love life—and ashamed to seek support.

 

We need education and skills to drive a car, to have prosperous career. Why wouldn’t we need the same when it comes to relationships? The costs are just as high as a car accident or loss of career: pain, loss, financial and emotional instability...

 

If you are in pain in your relationship, it won’t get fixed with wishful thinking or hope that things will just get better. Deeply connected, passionately intimate, mutually supportive relationships require effort, proficiency in essential relationship skills, and willingness for ever-evolving  growth.

 

 Since society hasn’t invested in you and your family having healthy fulfilling relationships, you will have to do so yourself​​​​​​​.

 

There are lots of resources out there to help you grow and learn. But sorting through which ones address your unique needs can be incredibly time consuming and overwhelming, and can be like throwing darts blind-folded.

 

If you really want lasting change, here’s the magic recipe: find a relationship coach or counselor you like (see the differences between coaching and marriage counseling) who has gone through her own personal transformation to achieve a securely loving relationship — and intimately knows what it takes to maintain it. Then add a pinch of energy, time, and money. 

 

Results? Everything you need (including targeted help with your exact needs, accountability to keep up the momentum, and the sweet knowing that someone has your back as you brave the bumps and bruises along the way) to —finally—create and keep the loving relationship you have always wanted with your significant other.

 

As one client put it: “Things are so much better between us! It’s amazing. We’ve had some big breakthroughs and things are feeling so sweet— so much more lightness and acceptance. We are laughing a lot and having more fun and connection than ever. I feel so much more of a sense of synchrony, a sense that we are on each other’s side. I keep asking myself, ‘Is this for real?’! I’m so grateful for what I’ve been learning with you.” 

 

If you’ve been on the fence about investing in yourself in this way, now's a great time to jump because why wait to have the love you want?  If you are interested  in working with me click to apply to book a call with me to see if we'd be a good fit for working together in Unleash Your Love

 

What’s real love worth to you? Could you put a financial price tag on it? An emotional one? What would it be like if you had that sweet foundational ground-beneath-your-feet feeling that comes from love you can rely on?

 

For me it’s been the sweetest, most valuable gift I’ve given to myself and my children. And my man. Simply priceless.

 

Claim your spot in this invaluable program . Finally ready? Apply here. 

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