My parents were unhappy in their marriage for a long time. But my sensitive strong mother was committed to sticking with things, and over many years she developed all 7of the major skills that people need to have fulfilling lasting love with their significant other.
It took about 28 years —no joke. (She didn’t have a coach like me back then to make the learning 1000% easier).
For a few rare couples, these things come naturally or were modeled to them as kids. But for most of us (raised hand here!), they are learned through failure and being motivated by misery: by getting poor results long enough to finally learn. or seeking the help needed to learn quickly and efficiently, instead.
Like my mom, without help from an expert, many of us will take years to grow enough to really “get” these things into our bones and actually live them out.
And so we will suffer for years along the way. Living by trial and error. Hoping for change. Trying to get our partner to change. Feeling angry and hopeless and sad. Failing a million times.
For many of us— like for me in my younger years—this all becomes too much and we eventually give up and leave—only to find the same skills are lacking in the next relationship.
Or we resign ourselves to dissatisfaction and unhappiness in love for the rest of our lives.
I DON'T WANT THAT FOR YOU! And I'm sure you don’t, either.
I want you to have just what you need to grow and change as quickly as possible into the woman who has the loving relationship she WANTS with her partner. (TODAY, not 28 years from now!)
Remember, we aren’t born knowing how to have the kind of relationships we women want these days— so we have to learn how by developing the SKILLS. I had to learn them, too!
The fastest way to do that is to come coach with me, where’ll go deep into all of this! But if you’re just playing with that idea or just want some help right this instant, I made you a “map” —in the form of a tree ‘cause that’s how I roll—to show you the way to GROW INTO the woman who has everything she needs for love to evolve, deepen, and last.
Which means developing (or uncovering) deep-rooted qualities that become inherent by mastering a skillset. Which ALL of us can do!
I love using the metaphor of a tree to help this make sense:
Imagine that all the things we say and do (how we show up, how we connect, how we communicate in our relationship) are like fruits on a tree. Depending on how we feel and what we believe about ourselves, love, and our partner— those fruits will be sweet, or bitter, or anywhere in between.
The only way to grow sweet fruit, which sustain love and connection, is to grow the deep root system and sturdy trunk and limbs needed to produce them. (For a deeper understanding of this click here).
So I want to share with you the 7 most essential relationship skills —the “roots and limbs” that produce those fruits. (I’ll be explaining each one in more depth over the coming weeks so look for more on each of them in the near future.)
Click here to see them in TREE form. It's a downloadable illustration that shows the skills and includes a sneak peak of the sub skills in the form of branches!
(For some of the best “fruits” check out the 7 Most Powerful Phrases To Deepen Connection In Your Marriage)
If you prefer lists, here are the skills in list form (no sub-skills here though, so be sure to check out the tree!):
1. Become A Self-Aware Observer
2. Own Your Power (Self-Responsibility)
3. Release Control Over External (i.e. Your Partner)
4. Take Control Over Internal (Your Mind)
5. Handle Your Emotions Effectively
6. Own Your Value As a Human Being
7. Love On Purpose
Take few minutes to identify which ones you may need to work on. Be honest with yourself about this. Though not always easy, it’s the only way to know where to focus to make the changes you want.
What I love about these skills is that they are not just something a lucky few of us are born with. They are developable. You can learn them.
AND Growing these skill even just a bit will make it so much easier for you to feel genuine love for your partner, and authentically feel his love for you; it will make conflict so much easier to move through, and connection so much easier to attain.
Having these skills will help him feel appreciated for who we is, and you feel so good about who you are. This makes life fun together, laughter quick, passion accessible again, and like you’re living life together as true allies.
Which ones stand out as strengths you already have? Which ones do you know you need to work on? I’d love to hear about it. Please share in the comments below.
And if you want a deeper overview of the 7 skills, check out the video in our free private facebook group (for women only).