"Can I Really Make My Marriage Better WITHOUT my Husband's Help?"

“Can I really make my marriage better without my husband's help --by myself?” And “Why should I be the one to do all the work?” 

These are the two questions I get the most. So here’s my answer to both (for more depth on the second one, check out this post)

When you start making changes in how you show up, the people around you naturally react to that change. 

When you change how you interact, your partner will be interacting with something NEW. So he can’t help but interact in a new way himself. 

Over and over, when my clients show up with, say, more appreciation, they GET more appreciation back. When they show up with more patience, they get more patience back. When they start saying “ I love you” again, they start hearing “I love you”  again back. 

So it’s NOT that your partner doesn’t do anything, it’s just that you go first. 

So many times, when you simply start leading the way, by doing the work on your side of the street…

Conversations get easier and deeper.

Playful flirtiness becomes a thing again.

Dates get on the calendar-- and enjoyed. 

Lovemaking gets yummy again.

How did this happen? 

You went first. You initiated change in yourself. And your partner followed.

You started the work on your own, but you didn't have to do it all on your own. YOUR PARTNER GOT ON BOARD, and collaborated with you to do it by your side. 

You reached out your hand first, and then he reached out and stroked yours in return. 

You said the honest loving thing. And he responded with his honest open  heart. 

You never "do all the work" on the relationship, you just do the work that is YOURS to do. 

(And in fact, you stop doing the work that ISN’T yours to do, that is his work to do, which lets him see it and do it when he’s ready!)

You can see for yourself here that many other women have gone before you in doing this, and what has changed for their marrriage. Over and over again I have heard them say, "Wow, this is like magic." But it isn't. It's just skill development and self-healing.

If you want a better marriage, come coach 1:1 with me and do the work that is yours to do on your side of the court.  

You won' t be alone. You'l have my deep, loving, guidance. Together, we will work. We will laugh. We will grow and learn. And I will surely refer to you as a Love Leader at some time during our coaching–because you, of course, ARE. And together we will be awed by how your partner ends up following your lead and becoming a better partner to you, too.  

You are the one to start the revolution of love in your heart, in your relationship. In your home.

 It STARTS with you. It ends with “US”.  Learn more about 1:1 coaching and take the next step here.

With love,

Hannah

P.S. To make sure I am being totally honest, I need to put it out on the table that, every once in a while (in about 5% of cases) we find that a spouse does not change at all, even as the woman does. 

We can't conclude this, of course, until we've given it a fair amount of time (and we've REALLY done our work fully!). 

But even if he really doesn't change, you will be different and feel so much better. And that's what matters: how you FEEL in your marriage. If you can feel great even without him being more loving or affectionate or deep, you don't need him to change. But he almost always does. And that's just a fun byproduct of the work…the icing on top of the cake.

But if we find out he is so set in ways and cannot shift at all, THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT INFORMATION TO HAVE!! Because then it's so much easier to simply decide you just don't WANT to spend your life with him anymore, and since you will be in a much better place, you can leave from a place of peace, strength, confidence, and even love instead of anger and failure. 

AND you'll be better equipped than ever to have a great relationship with another great human, if you want to in the future. 

This is work is NEVER in vain. Join me to coach 1:1 now.