We women want different things than we used to when it comes to committed relationships.
Generally speaking, what we want and expect out of a partnership is so much MORE than it was just two generations ago.
In those days most women accepted that marriage was a mostly practical arrangement with pre-determined unquestioned roles.
But marriage is no longer about simple companionship and physical stability, as it was back then. To most modern women, it’s about sustained intimacy—of the intellectual, physical, and emotional sort.
Modern women want more closeness, more exquisite deep talks, more exciting times, more romance, and more sensitivity from our man.
We want him to care about what we think.
To support and encourage our development.
To inspire us.
To show interest in and appreciation for how we feel.
To share his own feelings with us openly and often.
We want to deeply KNOW him.
We want a deep sense of being known.
We want our husband to be someone we experience passion with, and ALSO comfort, understanding, and security.
In short, we want MORE. A man who meets us on all levels— a REAL partner to share our life with.
It’s a wonderful thing that we can envision our man evolving into his most mature full-hearted expressive self—like we women have come so far in doing.
It’s even virtuous to want your relationship to become the fullest expression of human connection possible.
This is a beautiful thing.
Except when it isn’t.
Because the reality is, many men are still somewhat stuck in the old-school marriage style, the old-school masculinity style. Though they may long to break out of that themselves on some level, doing so is not really supported fully in our world— yet.
This sets us up for a painful tug-of-war that happens so often now:
Many of us women are crying and fighting and clawing for what we want from a man. Trying to get him to give us what we want. Insisting on more. Fighting for it. Leaving our fulfillment up to them. Ending up feeling helpless to get what we want in our marriage.
When we demand more without being willing to be more in charge of creating that MORE for ourselves, that’s a recipe for disaster. That’s entitlement. And many modern marriages aren’t surviving it!
My first marriage didn’t.
I used to feel entitled to deep comfort and passionate connection in my marriage. In many ways I demanded my husband to provide that vision I had of love for me. I depended on him to make it happen.
Since he didn’t naturally on his own, I fought for him to be who I wanted him to. But the more I fought for that kind of love the more I killed it.
What I didn’t know then is that the power to create the REAL life partnership we want doesn’t come from demand, need, or insistence.
It comes, instead, from lovingly guiding our men —inviting our men, inspiring our men —to grow up and meet us where we are.
Since we want more from our partners, WE need to take on more responsibility for creating it.
You deserve the love you want. And he deserves to grow into the man you know he could be, who he is meant to be.
The time has come to learn how to invite that, my friend.
So what does it take to step into that kind of leadership and help our partner become more responsible and more emotionally available?
It takes owning your desire for it and taking responsibility for creating it.
It takes standing up for the relationship as a whole, not just your interests. (No manipulation tactics needed.)
It takes Standing up for LOVE.
It takes being willing to offer more real love ourselves, more understanding, more compassion, more curiosity, more respect, more intentionality
It takes becoming the best version of ourselves and showing up exactly as the partner we want to have.
In this way we have the power to create the loving safe environment in which he can finally evolve, if and when he’s ready. And to genuinely love him for who he is along the way.
For so long women were not allowed to really be the leaders in our world.
But now our time has come to lead. Not in the old way of demand. But in the new way of invitation, inspiration, and being the example.
By living in such a way we CREATE more love, first in our hearts, then in our marriages and families, and finally out in our world.
P.S. This is the start of a new era. In this modern moment, the love we want requires a whole different skillset for women than old-school love did.
It's so worth it to learn it…when you do master it, it brings you a whole new level of fulfillment. Like deep-in-your-soul smiles. Like fluttery feelings that last. Like a man you cherish. Who finds your laughter, your words—all of you— irresistible, comforting. If you want that now, I will help you do what it takes to stand up for love and create the relationship you want. I will teach you what it takes to lead him to love. I will walk you every step of the way there... Hit reply and say "I'm in". We'll set up a time to talk about exactly what that looks like for YOU.
P.P.S. Wants some more deets on these love skills I speak of? Check them out here.
P.P.P.S!!! If the idea of "leading" your partner and taking on more responsibility for creating the MORE that you want in your relationship riles your feathers....if you find yourself asking, "why it it MY responsibility, what about HIM?" then head over to my Facebook Group to watch the video I made to answer this question: Why You Shouldn't Reject The Idea of Leading The CHANGE You Want In Your Relationship