3 Excuses That Are Hurting You And Your Love Life
Did you know I go on quarterly retreats? Despite having 3 kiddos and my own business, I take a few days to myself in a quiet place 4 times a year. It's part of how I release stress and refresh so I can stay centered and energized for everything I am doing and everyone I'm caring for in my life. But it took me years of learning the hard way how necessary this is for my HSP soul...For years I wasn’t good at taking time for myself. It got so bad at times I felt I’d lost myself. I’d go so far as to say it cost me my first marriage. I hear similar things from many of my highly sensitive clients. They tell me they feel like they’ve lost themselves OR that they feel really resentful towards their partner and aren’t sure why. They don’t realize it until we start talking that so often it’s simply because they don’t give themselves enough space and quiet. And when we start looking at how they can take more time to do things that nourish them and help them feel rested and relaxed, like a few days alone doing things they enjoy, they at first come up with a host of reasons as to why they can’t.
I was just the same! There are ALWAYS reasons -- or let's just call them what they are--excuses-- to just go on as is, as unhappy as we are.
I hear these excuses most often:
“It might upset my partner.”
“I have too much work.”
“I don’t have extra money to take a few days away.“ All these objections are just coming from the part of your brain that’s afraid of doing things differently than you have been. That’s what our brain does. It prefers to keep things the same EVEN IF THE SAME MEANS PAINFUL and uncomfortable. But please get this:
If you are stressed and aren’t taking nourishing time for yourself you're already upsetting your partner (chronic stress = irritability, easy to aggravate, and unhappiness).
You're already not getting as much work done as you could, since you're efficiency is slowed (chronic stress= foggy brain).
YOU feeling better will HELP YOUR PARTNER feel better. You feeling better--when your brain is refreshed-- will make you more productive, smarter and quicker at work. Promise. And the $? Taking quiet time for yourself doesn’t cost a lot of money. For a retreat you could house-sit. Or camp. Or even just retreat to a different room for a couple nights.
And anyway, what's money ultimately for? It's for helping us feel good (fed, sheltered, safe, happy, educated, fulfilled), right? If we deprive ourselves of our basic well-being because we're afraid of not having money, then we're not even allowing money to do it's job of bringing us basic enjoyment of our lives.
That's just depriving ourselves of what we are trying to supply our selves with! Kinda backwards. Of course, I used this excuse for years. But here's what I learned:
How much we take care of ourself is a reflection of how much we value ourself. When we value ourself enough, we find the time and money to take care of ourself. If you can't quite justify your right to your own sense of well-being, it may be time to take a look at how much you value yourself-- and upgrade it! You are so worthy of feeling good deep down. So if you long for more “me time”, please take it! My clients who actually do so see the truth: all parts of their life improve when they honor this need.
If quarterly retreats sound like a huge step for you-- but intriguing-- maybe just start by building some mini "retreats" into your daily and weekly life for now, until you are ready to get bold and claim your right and desire for a deeper retreat. That's how I started.
Or join me on facebook page for my weekly facebook live this Friday, at 2:30pm ET, where I'll give you some great options for quick ways to reboot and sink into that calm centered part of you, so you can be at your best with your loved ones and at work. The replay will be available there, as well.