I’ve heard so many sensitive people speak the words “I wish I wasn’t so sensitive.”
I totally get why they say such things. It can be easy to feel almost like a victim to sensitivity. It can feel like being assaulted: by our own senses, by our own emotions, by the emotions of others.
You may wish you weren't so sensitive, too.
When we’re really sensitive our brain takes in so much so fully. So we experience everything strongly.
To a sensitive person who hasn’t been taught what she needs to develop into a Highly Integrated Highly Sensitive Person (HI-HSP), it can feel like we have no filter to keep feelings out of us, and everything that comes into us is overwhelming.
Everything can seem to lead to a strong reaction: a spike of adrenaline, a snippy comment flying out of your mouth, tears rising quickly to your eyes.
It feels like things others do or say are the source of our emotions and reactions.
That was me back in the day. When I felt awful or overwhelmed, it was always something OUTSIDE of me’s fault: the kids, the tiny cabin we lived in, the winter, the sweet nothing’s my husband never said to me, the things he did wrong. His lack of a hello kiss might send me into resentment. Even his hug might annoy me if it wasn’t well timed.
We sensitives tend to feel just so AFFECTED by the things around us.
It is from such things that we feel-- and get labeled --sensitive in the most negative use of the term. Meaning touchy.
It can feel like our sensitivity is a liability.
But this does not have to be the case.
We sensitives don’t have to let the words of others cause hurt inside us, or things happening outside us cause inner turmoil, or make us shut down, play small, and not go for our dreams.
We can be sensitive and have things happen around us that don’t suit us, and, instead of trying to control them, or letting them totally overwhelm and debilitate us-- or dictate our reaction-- we can respond constructively and effectively. We can feel strong and in control of ourselves and our lives.
This is the difference between being an average highly sensitive person and a Highly Integrated Highly Sensitive Person (HI-HSP).
A touchy sensitive person feels at the mercy of everything that’s happening around her. Out of control of her experience of life and her love life.
Not so a Highly Integrated Highly Sensitive Person. A HI-HSP knows and accepts that her partner (and the world outside of herself) are not going to conform to how she wants them to be.
So instead of trying to get them to, she works on her inner world . On how she relates to that outside world. So that she has control over how she feels no matter what happens. So that she increases the meaningfulness and enjoyment of her life every day.
A husband who doesn’t think to offer help or say a soothing word when it feels like you could use one? As a regular HSP you might feel neglected, hurt, unloved….
But as a Highly Integrated HSP you wouldn’t use his lack of attention as a reason to feel neglected and unloved --or as a weapon against the man you love. Instead you’d know exactly how to lead yourself back to a place where you feel the love that is there. Where you can love and appreciate the man you fell in love with.
As an HI-HSP, you’d know exactly how to feel strong, secure, and safe, whether or not your partner says the right words or gives you the hug you want, or asks for more attention than you want to give.
You’d know how to bring love, fierce care, and deep strength right smack into the middle of the relationship, which would feed the relationship, like making the most delicious nourishing metaphorical meal for the two of you to eat together.
As an HI-HSP you’d have normal human feelings of fear and grief and anger occasionally, but without letting them feel like a problem or take over your life. Without making them other people's--or the world's-- fault.
You can control your own experience of life, and of love. You can be strong and sensitive all at once. You can become a Highly Integrated Highly Sensitive Person.
When you do so your sensitivity feels like an asset, a strength. One that makes a positive impact in your marriage, and your other relationships, at work, and in the larger world.
If you're not there yet, my friend, it's NOT a problem. You can get there! You can start becoming a Highly Integrated Highly Sensitive Person:
-By believing that there is a better way, one that leads to a true sense of empowerment and so much more fulfillment in your relationship and life.
-By being courageous enough to take the leap of faith to grow.
-By being willing to let go of old patterning that’s keeping you small, insecure, touchy, at the mercy of the world.
-By being humble enough to see help will make it a million times easier to do so.
-By being committed enough to learn how to be in total control of your own sensitive inner world, to learn to relax and settle into the deepest, strongest, most secure, tender, loving parts of you. So you just feel so good in your own skin. And the people around you fall even more in love with you.
This is what I do with my 1:1 clients everyday. If you, too, want to become this Highly Integrated version of yourself, email me at hannah@lifeisworthloving.com with an “I’m in”. We’ll schedule a time to talk about getting started and what it will entail for you.