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  • Writer's pictureHannah Brooks

Generational Unskillfulness Ends With You

You have patterns of reactivity. Something triggers you and you shut down, or say a cold word, or feel abandoned and unloved. Maybe you lash out, angrily fighting for the love you need. Only to make more conflict, more regret, more pain.

You have thorns in your heart.

Of course you do. Not because you are bad in any way. But because you are human.

No one person (not you, not any one else) put those thorns in your heart, shaped you into someone who's easily triggered, intense, who lashes out from hurt, who feels less-than the women on social media who seem to have it all together.

You are that way because you are a human being who came into this world so tender, so malleable….

...who could not help but be shaped by the huge misunderstandings and toxic relational teachings passed down to you previous generations.

It’s the love legacy we have all inherited in one shape or form.

The people around you, your parents, your teachers, later your boyfriends and partners and friends ...they didn’t hurt you because of you. And they didn’t cause you suffering because they are bad, either.

They just handed down their suffering. They just handed down their ignorance. Their unskillfulness. Their confused and crazy teachings that were handed down to them about how to be in this human body, with all these human emotions, in relationship to others.

All that shit landed on you. In you. Big ouch.

How about no more passing that on?!

My dad was married and divorced several times and I was raised in an environment where there was a lot of fighting.

For years I blamed him for so much of my own suffering, so much of my own insecurities.

Until I realized he was just a symptom of a much larger disease: he was deeply hurt from his upbringing.

He was just doing the best he possibly could in a system-- his body-mind-heart system --that had never learned how to be truly well. That had never been nurtured to be well. That had always been mishandled, misguided.

So where before I felt accusation and anger towards my dad for the ways in which he bestowed upon me my own painful patterns of reactivity and hurt, now I just think of him, and show up for him, with love.

Because of that, I am changing him. He feels loved and forgiven perhaps for the first time ever in his life… And I notice a profound respect for me has grown in him, alongside a new tenderness-of-being that comes out in him when he’s with me. So hear me now: this mishandling, this legacy of suffering, this endless passing down from generation to generation our misunderstanding, our total unskillfulness in relating to our own feelings and to other humans-- It can stop with YOU. It can end HERE, with you! Now. WE are the only ones to end the disease of disconnection. No one else is going to do it. WE are the ones to lead ourselves back to our own hearts, back to understanding and wisely wielding our body-mind-heart system. You can learn to wield it FOR love and connection and respect and understanding ---and watch the people in your life begin to heal, begin to feel safe, begin to soften... and even turn to you with open arms and a tenderness you’ve only ever dreamed of experiencing with them before!!! It starts with you choosing to do this first, for YOURSELF. Begin with you. It won’t be all rainbows and daisies, to be sure. We have some ancient patterns to break. Some new paths to shape. Maybe some old tears to shed to clear the way. But even if you only get 10% more skillful at relating to your own human body-mind-heart system and those of the people in your life, you will increase 100-fold the love you and your dear ones experience in your lives.

And you’ll be giving the rarest of all gifts to our world: healthy relationships for the long line of humans of the future, starting now. I cannot begin to tell you the radical kind of joy this brings. Come feel it for yourself. Together, when you coach with me, we will unwind old painful patterning, heal your marriage, and create a love-filled future. Email me and say "let's talk" to schedule a consult.



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