In order to have the honest genuinely loving relationship we sensitive women want (and to make any area of our lives better), first and foremost we need to be willing to be 100% transparent, authentic, and open (TAO)...with OURSELVES!!
Specifically, with our own thoughts and perceptions.
Because in every single human brain, here are thoughts and perceptions that, when left unobserved and undiscovered, keep us from what we want in love and in life. (I fondly call a certain portion of them the boxes in our basement. Listen to this episode for a fun dive into understanding this ).
These are the barriers to the marriage we want--to everything we want in life.
So, in order to lovingly give ourselves what we most want in our lives, we need to:
be willing to admit to ourselves all the distorted, fearful, selfish, short-sighted, judgmental thoughts that go through our minds. . .
see the cultural biases and assumptions we’ve taken on as our own (mind you--they didn’t come from YOU, but are now lodged in you, keeping you beholden to ideas and perceptions that bar you from the love you most want).
become aware of the unreachable expectations and standards of perfection we hold ourselves and our loved ones to…
(It’s only when we see these things that we can decide if we want to keep these them, or free ourselves from them and choose ones that work better to create the results we actually want. So it’s fundamental to living and loving intentionally, which is the only way to enjoy the love we want for the long term.)
This can be harder than it seems. Sometimes we don’t want to admit or see those “monsters” lurking below the surface. Or sometimes we just can’t see them because, like a still pond at sunset, the surface is reflecting everything else going on around us and in us—blinding us to it. For example, I thought I had left the belief behind me that I “have to” do certain things in my business or for my marriage. In a coaching session recently, I realized that’s exactly what I was thinking ….”I have to”... and why I had been feeling so burdened. But since I thought I was “past” thinking that way, I wasn’t able to see it. It took my coaches eyes on my mind to see this. Since then, I’ve been seeing my brain going back to the story “I have to” sometimes.
And now, every time I do-- because I’m willing to see it, I’m keeping my mind open to it, I’m not judging myself for having that story-- I’m able to easily catch myself in the feeling of burden.... and gently set it aside. The result of this for has been crazy. I suddenly feel free. And a lot more joy and enthusiasm about doing the things I have on my list. Instead of thinking I have to do them, I feel like I want to... like it’ll be fun and there won’t be anything more satisfying for me. This is the power of being TAO with yourself. And, yes, sometimes it means getting help to see your own mind!! But being able to step into that witnessing place without judgment and observe the places the primal brain goes (the icky, limiting, scary, separating stories it weaves and believes).... and therefore free ourselves from what's keeping us from the experience of life we want: That’s one of the most powerful magician-like things I’ve ever learned to do. It's one of the most powerful things any human can learn how to do... because it frees you up to choose to be the empowered creator of your life, instead of a victim to it! To be the creator of the love and experience you want in your marriage. Let me simplify all this: 1. Because you are human, there’s a lot of things going through your mind that are creating feelings that lead you to taking actions that get you results you don’t like in your life and marriage. And you aren’t aware of a lot of them. Guaranteed. 2. You can become a lot more transparent, authentic, and open with yourself and really learn to see your own mind ...and to question any thought or perception that’s going through it, and to change it, if you want, to create a better result. 3. There’s no one better than a life and marriage coach to help you do this. If you want to improve your marriage-- if you want it to feel so much better-- and you’re ready and willing to face your own mind with the kind of openness, honesty, and loving ownership that will have you in awe of your sense of agency over your own life, come coach with me. Apply for and schedule your consultation here. (They are going like hotcakes, so grab yours now if you're serious about wanting real change soon).
With Much Love, Hannah