Unexpected Gains From Working On Your Marriage
When you are happy in your relationship it's a gateway into a whole new and improved future. Not just with your partner. But in your whole life.
This is because our relationship is the place where all our weak links and challenging patterns come to the surface. So we can see them. And overcome them.
See, life might seem just fine for us sensitives... like everything is going decently. Until you are some months or years into a committed relationship.
Then, it all just comes out. Your self-doubts and self-judgments, your frustrations and disappointments. Your quick-to-feel-hurt or irritated. Jealousy, resentment. A wondering what is wrong with you.
This is, contrary to what it may feel like right now (and I know it just feels awful) not a BAD thing. It’s actually a godsend.
WHAT?!? YES! Because the work that you do there on yourself-- not on your partner-- the work that you do on you for the love that you want, the security that you want, the sense of feeling loved you want-- THAT is the work that catapults you into a whole new level in all the other areas of your life.
Since relationships are one of the hardest--and most most precious-- areas in our lives, when we do the work to thrive in ours, as byproduct, we become truly strong in ourselves, fiercely loving, the most integrated versions of ourselves. The woman we most want to be.
And when you become that woman every single other area in your life feels so much better, so much more meaningful.
All of my sensitive clients come to me because of problems they are experiencing in their marriages and relationships. But, along with a major upgrade in their marriage, they leave with totally unexpected gains that they never saw coming.
Here’s just a taste of some of them (names below changed for privacy):
Jess finally stopped feeling burdened and drained by her kids and started loving parenting them. She also returned to her career after years of believing she didn't have much to offer--and suddenly saw how much her unique gifts were needed and wanted at her organization. She felt ALIVE and valuable like never before.
Julie got “herself “ back. She fell in love with her whole life. And her own self. She started pursuing lifelong dreams she’d given up on years before. She felt, for the first time in her 50 years, that “there’s nothing I can’t do now”.
Sarah created a loving relationship with her mom, after years of silence between them. She also stopped telling herself she had to stay in a career that she didn’t like and found the courage to take on a totally new field that allowed her to have flexible hours and a lot more time at home to be with her kids, her man, and to take care of her own self. Her whole life finally fell into place.
Jan stopped feeling like the world was against her and like she didn’t matter to anyone. She began to actually enjoy other people’s company again (her man’s included, of course), instead of avoiding socialising as much as possible--so much so that during Covid times her home became a harbor for travelers, where laughter and good conversation became the norm. For the first time ever, Jan saw how she is an important and valued human to those who know her and felt HAPPY in her life.
Anna made peace with a health condition she felt like a victim to, and was therefore able to make great changes to improve her health and feel physically, as well as emotionally, better.
Kelly stopped feeling like a little child at the age of 42 and realized she was a very capable highly intelligent woman. She started actually imagine a career for herself--one that made a difference in the world, instead of feeling the only possibility was to be a housewife.
Helen’s sense of confidence was so through the roof that she was able to excitedly accept an invitation for speaking gig--- in front of 5000 people! And instead of just feeling anxious for weeks, she was able prepare for it knowing she was meant for it.
The hard stuff in your relationship reveals the places you need to address to finally step into being the empowered, or what I call Highly Integrated, person with the life you most want.
When you are truly integrated because you’ve done this work, because you’ve looked at these darker places, because you’ve grown out of them, that’s when:
you feel so much more trust in yourself
you give and receive love so deeply
your feelings don’t knock you for a loop, and instead you’re steady and calm
other people's words don’t hurt or rock your sense of your own goodness
you have so much more energy
you have courage to make a difference in the world, to contribute in a way you haven’t even really imagined for yourself. YET.
So what are you waiting for? If you want to not only make your marriage the yummy, fun, light, zone of comfort and joy in your life, but also be surprised by the unexpected gains that naturally come along with that --wonderful things you may not even foresee are possible for you right now--do this work now.
Address the hard stuff in your marriage. Look deeply at yourself and all the things that are holding you back from love. Become a more integrated empowered version of yourself. And watch your whole life start to fully come together and feel better than ever before.
Come coach with me and I will show you the way. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and say “Let’s chat” and we will set up a time to do so.