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  • Writer's pictureHannah Brooks

What Really Makes Steady Love Elusive

Our own brain (the primal part) gaslights us into thinking we’re crazy for wanting what we want, crazy for thinking that it’s possible for us to have it.

Your brain isn’t doing this to be villainous.

In all honesty, it’s just trying to protect you by keeping you from changing, from growing.

Because keeping things the same --keeping the status quo-- is your primal brain’s job. Change is terrifying to this part of your brain. This is one of the reasons we find ourselves repeating the patterns and habits that we know aren’t working in our relationships-- because a part of us actually wants to stay the same! It’s easier, “safer” for it to stay the same--even if “the same” just sucks.

This is the reason we:

  • resist new ways of doing and seeing things

  • don’t go all in on new approaches

  • don’t seek help even when we have a hunch it would make all the difference.

Meaning, it’s THE reason we so often FAIL at changing things for the better in our marriages.

Even if a big part of you believes those new approaches could work to make your marriage so much better, your primal brain will resist it. It's afraid of the disorientation of newness-- even if that newness is a marriage that feels amazing.

So it whispers in your ear such things as “you think you could have the most amazing marriage? what a joke! you’re crazy!” or “you think it may be possible to feel deep love for him and be totally adored in return?! Ha! who do you think you are!?

This is how your brain sabotages you and keeps you from having the love that is yours by birthright.

You have 2 options to deal with this very human challenge: 1) You can keep letting your primal brain gaslight you . . . and it will win. It WILL keep you the same, thinking something’s wrong with you, thinking you’re crazy for believing you could ever have the love you want, and stop you from making the changes necessary to have that love.

Or…. 2) The alternative is to choose to TRUST the part of you that knows that there is MORE available for you when you go all in on your desire for more love:

More connection, more steadiness, more sweetness, more laughter, more lightness, more trust in yourself, more trust in love. When you choose that trust, you free yourself to take the action you know you need to (in spite of any fears that come up) to make the love you want come to life.

It’s your choice. Which will you choose? YOU get to decide.

And what happens in your love life will be determined 100% by the choice you make.



P.S. You may be thinking you can improve your marriage all on your own. After all, there’s lots of info out there about how to, and you are a smart woman. All true. But, ask yourself in all honesty: if you could, how come you haven't? The hard truth is if you knew how to have more love and connection in your relationship, you WOULD easily make it happen! We don’t just sit around knowing how to have a loving joyful marriage and NOT DOING IT. That would be like knowing how to eat and not doing it-- even though we are starving and our fridge is full of food.

If you’ve been thinking you can do this on your own, and you haven't yet, that's your primal brain sabotaging you again. It’s time to take the power back from that part of you. Time to make the choice FOR growth and the marriage you WANT. Not to keep things the same, as your brain has been helping you do for so long. Don’t delay the love you want any longer. Email me and say “I’m ready” and we will talk about whether or not 1:1 coaching with me is the answer for you to not only make your dream of genuine closeness and deep love in your marriage a reality, but also to forever stop your primal brain from keeping you unhappy and unfulfilled in the other parts of your life.


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