There are quite a few disappointing things about your husband and about your relationship, I’m sure. Maybe he’s inconsiderate. Doesn’t help out enough. Doesn’t make enough time for you. There’s conflict. Disconnection. Hurt. Frustration. Loneliness. And harder to admit, but equally disappointing... deep down there’s a big part of you that’s unhappy with your own self.
You feel bad about how irritable you are with your partner, or that you say stinging things sometimes. That there’s this low-grade anger. That you're “overly sensitive”. Hard to deal with.
And then there’s the guilt, the regret that lingers for quite a while after a difficult interaction with him. The little whispering voice saying, “What is wrong with you!!?? Why can’t you just be kinder, be calmer, be satisfied with what you have?!!?”
These are sure signs that deep down you know there’s a better way for you to show up. That you want to be more of who you really are underneath all the disappointment, emotional reactivity, frustration and resentment. You know you’re better than this. And you want to see that part of you come out way more. What if you paid attention to THAT desire, that whisper, a little bit more? Instead of the part that wants to look at what’s going wrong so often and blame the problem on your partner? Because --of course-- HE could be better-- a whole lot better, for sure. But you don’t have a whole lot of power over that. So...What if you listened to the voice inside you that knows that you could feel a lot better about how you show up with your partner? THAT IS where your power is. Your power to make your marriage so much better.
Here’s the thing: what we all really want from our relationships is a collection of FEELINGS!!! Like comfort. Love. Support. Lightness. A sense of mattering. Where we tend to get things wrong is believing those feelings all come from a partner or a relationship. But actually, a huge amount of them come from how great you feel about YOU. When we know how to feel comforted, to feel light, to feel love, we support ourselves. When we start showing up in a way we feel really great about in our marriage, we support ourselves. Meaning, we finally attain the feelings we’ve been searching outside ourselves for and blaming our partner for not providing. The funnest part about this is when we bring the focus back to ourselves like this and learn to provide ourselves with the feelings we so deeply desire, we open the door for our partner to show up so much more in the ways we’ve always wanted him to.
This feels kinda magic! But it's actually just the nature of love. All this is what I help my clients do, step by simple step. If you are ready to do this work with my fiercely loving support, email me and say, "Let's talk". And we will chat about how, together, you and I will get you feeling great in your marriage and in your SELF.