Are You Holding Onto Resentment? How To Tell

There are just a few more days until we dive into Free Your Heart For More Love: Getting Past Blame, Resentment, And Grievance. So it's time to register! If you’ve ever felt annoyed, mad or resentful in your relationships, or you know you will someday (attention everyone reading this!), you don't want to miss this! Check it out here.

If you are harboring resentment or anger towards your partner, please be willing to admit it to yourself (because it is doing NO one in the relationship ANY good, I promise. Especially you)! 

 In case you are not sure, here are the most clear signs of resentment.

THINGS YOU MAY FEEL WHEN CAUGHT IN RESENTMENT

• Persistent negative feelings, 

• a sense of difficulty letting go of things that have hurt or angered you 

• Feeling like you are or have been unfairly treated. 

• Chronic anger. 

• A sense of hurt, or like he doesn't really care about you.

• Bitterness. 

• Indignation. 

• Disconnected. 

• Closed off. 

• Like he’s an obstacle, 

• or even like he’s against you in certain ways.

  
  

THINGS YOU MAY DO FROM RESENTMENT:

• Withdraw emotionally or give cold shoulder,  reducing both your affection and the time you spending time with him

• engage in passive-aggressive behaviors like sarcasm

• keep score or catalogue past mistakes (and then use them as ammunition later), 

• React with more irritability or hostility (for example, criticize more) than in the past to minor issues, 

• avoid conversations about issues,

• regularly  point out flaws or judge the other person

• have Less capacity to empathize with your partner or  to understand their perspective.

• provoke a conflict,  

• demand he do things to compensate for what he did

• Retaliate–purposefully do hurtful unkind things to punish him.

(I can always tell when my clients are holding onto resentment because, somewhat unconsciously, they try to convince me that he’s the bad guy, the wrong one in the relationship. They catalogue his wrongdoings and share them with me so I will agree. So just take note if that's something you are compelled to do with a friend or therapist.)

THINGS THAT MAY PROVOKE RESENTMENT:

We all would feel wronged if our spouse cheated on us, or lied about something really important.

 But often it’s smaller things that lead to the sneakiest resentment. So, if these things have happened, you may very well have residual resentment about it:

• Some clients have felt wronged by their partner working long hours and not spending enough time with them.

• or by their partner's criticisms of them from time to time 

• or the times he jumped down her throat at a suggestion she made, 

• or that he argued intensely with her about something she wanted him to do differently with the kids.

• or he didn't apologize for something he did

• or he agreed to something and then didn't follow through

• or he didn't do as much around the house as her

• or he just didn't listen well, or seem to care that much

• or he dismissed her feelings 

• or he sort of got flirty with a waitress

• or he treated a friend better than her

• or he refused to really consider doing something that really matters to her, like a move to a new neighborhood.

Maybe you can relate to some of these? There are many many ways we can feel “wronged” by our partner. It matters less what he’s done, and more what you feel. 

So if you can now see that yes, resentment has been present–a little or a lot – you are most especially invited to register for Free Your Heart For More Love: Getting Past Blame, Resentment, And Grievance. It is meant for YOU (and it’s only $37, just for this week!!!)!

The live portion happens this Friday, October 24th, 2025 (and you can totally catch the replay if you cannot be there live). Learn all about it and register here. 

The price goes up a lot after this week, so get it while you can!!