Sensitive People's Most Overlooked Power In Love
Updated: Apr 10
When we decide it’s time to improve our marriage, we are choosing to stop living from fear, confusion, and helplessness. And, instead, to step into our power. Into leadership.
I know, you may be thinking, “Leadership? Me? “ Yes, my friend, YOU.
Of course, many of us sensitive souls don’t think of ourselves as leaders.
I certainly didn’t used to...
Because I saw leaders as very confident, outspoken, courageous, strong and bold. In my mind I wasn’t any of those things.
Like many sensitive people, I was quiet and introverted. People often didn’t hear my small voice when I spoke up-- if I ever spoke up in a group setting. In my earliest romantic relationships I had trouble talking AT ALL! I grew up feeling like I wasn’t bold or outgoing enough for this world. Like something was a little bit wrong with me.
I hear the same sorts of things from many sensitive people.
So it's no wonder we all don’t think of ourselves as leaders. How can we think of ourselves as such when we think something is inherently wrong with us?
But guess what? Being a leader has nothing to do with how outspoken you are, how loud your voice is, how exuberantly you move your arms when speaking, or how quickly people fall in line behind you and your ideas.
I want you to consider a very different definition of leader, one that’s more accurate and more empowering:
A leader is someone who has a vision of what’s possible for herself or others or the world, and works up the courage to fall in line behind that dream and walk right towards it.
You’re a leader when you decide to believe in your dream AND the possibility that you can make that dream reality.
And you follow through by making small choices over and over every day towards that possibility. Even when it’s uncomfortable, or frightening, or you want to give up for lack of evidence that it’s working.
We sensitives can lead quietly. We can lead compassionately. In our marriages we lead with soft strength by LOVING.
Start by deciding to lead yourself, first and foremost.
Every day I lead myself to love.
I lead myself to love by acknowledging the thoughts that arise that KEEP me from feeling love, and gently turning towards ones that bring me feelings of understanding, warmth, and love.
I Lead Love by telling my husband I understand why he made that snappy comment, and choosing to forgive it and reach for his hand.
I Lead Love by giving him a hug while he’s doing dishes (even if he doesn’t respond).
I Lead Love with playful flirtiness by doing a silly suggestive dance for 7 seconds when he walks in the door.
I Lead Love with generosity by giving him my full attention to what he’s saying for a few minutes here and there--even if he already told me the same thing yesterday.
I Lead Love with affectionate words by whispering I love you in his ear.
I Lead Love by taking space for myself and leaving him space for himself …
I Lead Love by soothing my own feelings, by tracing them to their source inside me, and not blaming them on him, before I bring my concerns to him and work to solve for them.
Leading love is made up of the smallest loving actions woven regularly into your life together.
As a sensitive being you were made to Lead Love.
So start moving in that direction. Today. Decide to stop waiting for your partner to step up. (You may be waiting forever.) Set aside thoughts like “ I just don’t know how to improve things” and “It takes two” . Choose to courageously step into the power you have to Lead Love.
Because when you do, a bit of “magic” starts to happen. Quietly, softly, your partner is enticed to join. His footsteps fall in line with yours. His hand reaches for yours. With fingers gently entwined, you walk side by side into your future, together.
P.S. When you Lead Love, it doesn’t mean you you need to have all the answers to make your marriage the loving one you want. Rather, you trust yourself to figure them out. To be resourceful enough to find the help you need and overcome the challenges that come up on your way. You trust yourself to find the way.
And if you don’t fully trust yourself to do so yet, or if you’re ready to fast track your way to having more understanding, deeper connection, more peace and passion in your marriage, I will show you the direct way there when you come coach with me.
To see what that will mean for you, email me at email@example.com with “Im in” and a couple sentences about your marriage, and we’ll take it from there with a free call together.
P.P.S. Want to hear some women’s stories about what happened when they decided to Lead Love in their relationships with my help? Click here to hear them in their own words...