It's More Intense When You're Sensitive
Has anyone ever said something like this to you, “You are too sensitive!” Or “Geez,aren’t you the touchy one...”? Maybe it's true...sometimes you just can't help taking things other people say pretty seriously. Especially the hurtful comments. (And especially when its your significant other who is the perpetrator).
Or maybe its not even what they said, but how they said it—with a curt, sharp, or dismissive tone. Equally painful is when something you say or do is met with stoney silence (which you read as wounding judgment).
It doesn’t matter how the stone is thrown; it's all the same when it comes to how very bad it feels to you. I know how it is...The hurt lives on inside you for hours or days, or months. It feels horrible and can ruin relationships.
If this sounds familiar, it may be you are a Highly Sensitive Person, like me and many of my clients. 20% of humans are! It’s basically like we have the volume turned up on feeling. Everything is more intense. Especially negative feelings – if we haven’t learned how to work with our heightened sensitivity. (Learn more by reading my newest published article on Introvert Dear by clicking here, or in this blog post I wrote recently: Are you Sensitive and why it Matters for a Healthy Love Life)
Lately, I’ve been talking about how to not take things personally. Because I love working with emotionally sensitive women and I hate seeing them suffer so! If you think you might be in that boat (or just feel hurt sometimes) I want to give you the skills to feel better.
If you missed my first two videos on this topic, watch them now here (they are short).
This stuff works! Here is a success story from a recent client.
She had a long time friend who simply stopped calling her after they had an awkward incident. No harsh words were said, but silence created hurt because she imagined she was no longer loved enough fro her friend to even pick up the phone. She suffered for over a year with this feeling until learned from me how to separate her "stuff" from her friends' "stuff". (Learn more about how to do that here.) As she worked on this she began to realize that a lot of the pain was coming from her own interpretation of her friends silence. (Click here to get a really good grasp on how to stop the hurt from lingering inside you, like she did). She then began to feel strong and confident enough inside herself to talk to her friend and smooth things over.
She just needed the skills to do so. Now their friendship is back on solid ground and even stronger than it was before because she was able to reveal her heart to her friend as they reconnected (a powerful secret to connection! Watch for my upcoming article on that at TinyBuddha.com).
Now she is using this experience and these skills to help when she takes things personally in her romantic partnership. Things are pretty sweet over there now!
You really have some serious power over this stuff, my friends! But you must implement the tools I’m teaching you or you won't feel any better the next time you start to tumble down the hurt feelings rabbit hole.
What are you waiting for? Get started by watching those little videos here.
Next time we’ll talk about how to let any emotional hurt you feel because of your significant other’s actions become an opportunity for a deeper connection between the two of you. Stay tuned for that!
Meanwhile, let me know about your experience with taking things personally, and how this stuff has helped (or questions you have) by commenting below.