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  • Writer's pictureHannah Brooks

Your own marriage-changing jurisdiction

To super simplify, there’s one generalized way that works to change your marriage and one that doesn’t. The one that doesn’t work is the one most of us take first (hand raised here--that was me!!!). Many-a-client has told me, too, that in the past, she’s gotten her husband to go in for couple’s counseling with her....and he obliged, somewhat begrudgingly… Deep down, though, her intention was to get him to stop snapping, to open up more, to listen better, to follow through on the housework more, to appreciate her verbally more...etc. Here’s the trouble with this: even though he was willing to go along, nobody really likes it when other people try to change them. (I sure don't, you?) So, very often, this counseling gets met with (ahem) resistance....the result being that change from his end doesn’t happen. And change on the woman’s end doesn’t happen either --because she’s more interested in getting her partner to change than changing herself. Another version of this unsuccessful approach is when clients come to me and want to focus our coaching on what they can do to get their husband to be different. Again, NO one changes anything this way. It’s total gridlock.

I’d like to suggest, if you’re really wanting your marriage to be better, to approach making changes from the angle that actually works: Change all that you have jurisdiction over: which is really only yourself --and becoming the most emotionally vibrant, high integrity, empowered version of yourself possible-- a woman who relates to her sensitivity in a way she feels proud of, who loves the person she is--and the person her husband is-- without restriction and from the fullness of her heart.

(Side note: We simply don't have jurisdiction over our partner--we simply cannot change another adult --believe me have I ever tried!! Only they can do that. Of course, this doesn’t mean you don't make requests or communicate about how things affect you--please do! Just do them in ways that are in integrity and respectful, and therefore actually effective!) When this --changing all that you have jurisdiction over--becomes your sole focus and the prime thing you’re putting your energy into, not only do you have the most success in creating deep confidence, fulfillment, and capacity for love and joy yourself (and bring that into every relationship and life experience you EVER have)-- -- but you also get some great bonus results: You become the person most capable of inspiring your partner to change himself. Of being the magnetic force that invites out the most loving, respectful, supportive, self-responsible, empathic, and tender parts of him… So that finally, together, you create the most light, fun, deep, nourishing, respectful culture of love in your marriage. You yourself are where you must begin.

If you're committed to doing what is within your own very powerful love-changing jurisdiction to make your marriage the one you envision in your heart of hearts, come coach with me. You will be joining a legacy of other sensitive love leaders who have gone before you (without manipulation and in total deep integrity) to learn to effectively, powerfully, love their way to creating an amazing marriage! (See a handful of their stories here, and learn about the influence others like you have had on their husbands here). When you coach with me you will join their ranks, and be ever-grateful to yourself for it. To get started, set up your free consult call here.



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