Here I am with part of my sweet family. I didn't always look or feel so happy.
When my first marriage was on the rocks, my health was a mess. I didn’t see the connection at the time, but looking back it's obvious.
I had pain in my low back that kept me up at night. And my digestion. I won’t even tell you about it! Then there was the adrenal fatigue….
As far as divorce goes, I had a beautiful loving one with my ex (yes, such a thing is possible!). We are still truly dear friends. It wasn’t the actual divorce that caused so much heartache.
No, it was all the years of tension and confusion about whether to stay or go.
The resentment I felt toward him for not showing me love the way I wanted him to. The guilt and shame of not living up my own standards of how I wanted to be in my marriage. The sense of loneliness and separation I felt from the man I truly cared about deep down below it all. All this is what tore me apart.
Literally. Physically.
So that by the time we finally decided to separate, I was seeing multiple doctors for various health problems. I actually believed I was getting “old” at the young age of my mid 30's. I thought it was all downhill from there...
Here is an amazing fact: the impact of loneliness and disconnection on our physical health is immense. Studies show that people who perceive themselves to have a low level of social connection have a 340 percent higher premature death rate than those who have good social support!
It’s not just an emotional downer to have a lack of connection and love in our lives. Feeling we have loving and safe close relationships is intrinsically, deeply connected to our very health and survival – more important than anything else we do for our health and wellbeing. It’s simply essential.
It starts with our emotions. Resentment, frustration, anger, and loneliness all set off a health-damaging (if ongoing or chronic) biochemical cascade into your bloodstream, which actually lead to more negative feelings, which trigger another cascade...It can become a truly vicious cycle.
The beautifully good news is that the opposite is equally true. When we have relationships in which we feel connected, calm, secure and valued, our health reflects that robustness.
How is your health when you are feeling lonely, misunderstood, or at odds with your partner or other loved ones? Look back on your life to see if the longer periods of unhappiness and disconnection coincided with physical issues or sickness. It could be as simple as an outbreak of cold sores. Let us know what you noticed in the comments below.
So how do you increase your sense of connection and therefore improve your physical health? Improve your relationship with your significant other.
Easier said than done, I know. Here’s a baby step to start small, but courageously:
Make a strong, fiercely loving commitment to yourself that you will do what it takes, one foot in front of the other, to create that secure sense of loving connection you not lonely long for, but you actually vitally need. Write it down or say it out loud in your own words for extra umph.
That’s it. The rest will follow. (And you have me over here during the coming weeks and months to offer you ideas, tips, and tools to help you keep that commitment. It’s my mission to help you make that happen.)
As for me, I am securely rooted in a nurturing, accepting, and deeply loving relationship with my partner, and my health reflects that. I feel vigorously healthy in body and heart these days.
It really is all connected!
I’d love to hear about your experience with any of this. Leave a comment below.
Love and Many Well Wishes,
Hannah