How To Release Control For More Intimacy
Updated: Jan 5
Today we dive into a 4 step formal process to release the urge to control your partner in the moment.
Because the cost of trying to control our partner in a marriage is intimacy –and feeling a whole lot of icky emotions, whereas releasing control is a huge step towards gaining more intimacy and harmony with your honey.
Yet, even if you intellectually know this, old habits die hard (and your human brain is naturally wired to want to control). So releasing control is easier said than done.
Which means it's really helpful to have a clear cut step-by-step process (a process that really zones in on all the feelings that drive control) that you can come back to over and over in any situation to help you decide whether or not you want to try to control, and if not, to release the urge right away.
I lay out the 4 steps right here in this episode, and illustrate them with personal stories and work I’ve been doing around my own urges to control.
This is the 3rd episode in a 3 part series on control in relationships, but it is also a stand alone episode. We do a quick review of why control causes more problems than rewards, what it looks like, why we aren’t bad for acting on our human urge to try to control our partner, and what actually serves us way better in our goal of having a loving, mutually respectful, connected marriage.
Join me to learn a process you can easily use if you’ve realized you’d prefer intimacy and harmony over following that impulse to try to control what really isn’t controllable anyway.
(Not seeing your preferred podcast listening platform? It's on most, so go search it there!)
OR LISTEN HERE: