How To Tell If You're Taking Things Personally

MOST people take things personally to some degree. And it hurts. But, taking things personally may not feel like simple hurt feelings. It can actually be rather subtle, or come disguised as something else.

So you want to know how to tell if you're taking things personally -- what the signs are that indicate you’re taking things personally, because it takes a big toll on your happiness and your most important relationships. And since highly sensitive people generally do it more frequently than non-HSPs, it is likely you are doing, too, at least to some degree. (And hey, nothing is wrong with you if you take things personally! That's so important to understand.)

Taking things personally hurts.

 So what are some of those signs?

The biggest clues lie in your FEELINGS, the THOUGHTS that go through your head, your BEHAVIORS, and even other people’s REACTIONS.

 In the most general sense, if you're feeling “negative” feelings in your relationships, or you find yourself acting in closed-off or defensive, irritated ways towards your loved ones, there is most certainly an element of taking things personally going on for you. 

But let's get a bit more specific. Here's how to tell if you're taking things personally (as you read this list, be HONEST with yourself about if you may be experiencing some of this, because that is where your power starts to make yourself and your relationships so much more peaceful and fulfilling):

 

If you are taking things personally, you may FEEL (when it’s happening):

• Unimportant to your partner

• Resentful

• Frustrated

• Angry

• Hurt

• Unloved

• Lonely

• Uncared for

• Disrespected

• Like you don't matter to the other person

• Irritated, annoyed, or upset at them

• Bitter

• Spiteful

• Like you're a victim 

If you are taking things personally, you may have thoughts go through your head like this:

• I must not be that important to him,

• I must not be important enough to him for him to [fill in the blank…] (Examples: keep his agreements, give me a good night kiss, put his phone down, listen to me attentive) 

• He's so selfish to just do what he wants to do regardless of me.

• Why are they not able to see things from my perspective?!?

• Rrgh,why are they doing this?!!

• He just doesn't care enough

• I’m not attractive enough to him

• I don't matter to him

• What a jerk

• What is wrong with him?!?

• What is wrong with me?!

• He’s upset because of me

• He’s being inconsiderate because I'm not very important to him

• They knows that when they don’t do a good job, I will have to pick up the pieces, and they don't care.

• And deep down you may believe, I'm not good enough

If you are taking things personally, you may behave like this:

• Withdraw and not talk to those who are doing the hurting.

• Complain or point out where he is falling short (“You always just stare at your phone when I'm talking to you!”)

• Ruminate over interactions for hours

• Blame others for your painful feelings

• Focus on all the ways your partner isn’t being considerate or loving (like you’re keeping a log)

• Compare how considerate you are to how considerate he is (you always win, right?)

• Use an irritated tone when asking him to think of you more (“It’d be nice if you thought of me every once in a while.”) 

• Say something like "What you did really hurt me" in a way you kinda hope will make him feel bad.

• Get mad and snap at him, “You don't even care enough to help me pick up!?”

• Stop being your caring loving self, because “why bother?!?”

 

If you are taking things personally, others may REACT to you by:

• NOT taking things you say well

• Getting defensive/defending their actions/being argumentative

• Explaining their actions away

• Getting mad back at you (so you have escalating arguments with nothing ever really changing)

• Throwing your comments back at you, or being more critical of you

• Saying things like "telling me I hurt you, hurts me."

• Not really listening to or hearing you

• NOT changing their ways to be more considerate and caring (often the opposite)

• Withdrawing from you or closing off

• Getting less and less affectionate and attentive over time, until you feel more like roommates than partners in life.

In reading this, it may seem like every problem in relationships come from taking things personally. And that is true to some degree. There are, of course, plenty of other things that contribute to relationships feeling really hard and falling apart. But taking things personally will ALWAYS add more fuel to any relationship fire.

The good news is that it is one of the easiest things to put an end to (at least on your own side of things). And when you do, you will be reducing the fuel that drives disconnection by about 100x. 

And you will be so freed up to have so much more ease, connection, and even fun with those you care about–and, of course, to successfully advocate for the consideration and care you deserve!

Join all the other HSP's who have made this painful habit a thing of the past by participating in The Stop Taking It So Personally Course.  Go at your own pace through the 7 core micro lessons that will leave you feeling so much more peace and love in your relationship. But start today. Because, dear one, it's time you felt the ease and connection you deserve in your marriage.

Learn more and get access here.